home?

I have 6 weeks left here in Ghana. So my thoughts are starting to turn towards home. Especially when I get frustrated with aspects of life here. Whenever we have the electricity off ("light off"--which seems to be more often than "light on" lately), I think, "man, can't wait to be in America with constant electricity." Or when I'm driving down the road, dodging the many potholes, I think, "man, I can't wait to drive on smooth roads in America." And I start thinking about La Parilla, Starbucks, bagels, fountain cokes...and I get pretty excited about being home.

But the other day, when I was thinking about such things, I remembered my senior year in college when our electricity went off quite a few times...sometimes for days in a row. And I think about the cold showers I've taken when we've run out of hot water. I think about car troubles, and how annoying it is to get them fixed. I think about the ridiculously high gas prices that I'm hearing about. Home ain't all its cracked up to be.

And more than that, I think about how I'm always restless. No matter where I am. When I was in high school, I couldn't wait to go to YWAM. When I was in YWAM, I couldn't wait to go to UGA. At UGA, I couldn't wait to graduate and do something different. When I was back in Marietta, I couldn't wait to go back to Hawaii with YWAM. And after that, I couldn't wait to get here. Many times here I've been excited and anxious to get back home. At every step, I've thought "oh, _____ will be better when I get to the next place" (fill in the blank with anything...self-discipline, prayer time, exercise, friendships).

All of these thoughts together have made me realize this: this world is not our home. Even though I'm excited to get there, the things I'm longing for in Marietta won't fulfill me. I'll get there, go to La Parilla and eat cheese dip and salsa while drinking a fountain coke, and I will still feel unfulfilled. My restlessness that I always have is not a desire to get to the next stage...its a desire for my true Home.

But here is my question: why does that make me sad? Why does it make me sad to think that Marietta isn't my home? Why am I not really excited that my Home is far better than anything here on this earth? Why don't I love that I was made for much more than earthly things? And was Jesus ever sad that he had "no place to lay his head?" (Matthew 8:20) I'm sure He REALLY understood that earth wasn't his home...but still.

Maybe it makes me sad because I just want to be comfortable here...physically, emotionally, spiritually. Home is where you're comfortable. And if earth isn't our home, then true comfort just isn't in the cards. Ever.

(I'm just thinking out loud here...I really haven't gotten this one figured out.)

Many times when I've been homesick, the Lord has reminded me of Colossians 3:1-3

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you have died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

And man, when I really set my mind and heart on things above (instead of on a grande caramel macchiato from Starbucks) I remember how awesome my God is and He enough for me! I don't need silly Starbucks...or La Parilla. And I know that He put me here in Ghana to serve the Mozleys. I know that He'll give me everything I need to do just that...and to keep focused here until I do return to Marietta.

Really, when I think about God in all His majesty, sitting on His holy throne, how the heck can I whine about wanting to be in Marietta? Or when I think about His love...and how He sacrificed so much for me...so much that I'll never even understand it. Or when I think about His mercy and grace and faithfulness...and how He sticks with me even though I'm a total dork sometimes. Thoughts of Him totally override those homesick thoughts. Our God is so good.

I know this is a bunch of rambling thoughts. I guess I'm just trying to figure this out...what my desires are really about...what our lives here on earth are really about. I'm thankful that God has put these thoughts in my head to ponder now...weeks before I go "home"...I think it would have been a devastating shock if He hadn't prepared me. Again, He is just so good.

My friend Lori wrote a blog about feeling like this before her and her family even left Canada to come to Ghana. Check out her thoughts here.

(By the way, I know I used lots of worthless examples of things I miss...but for the record I miss people much more than these things...things just worked better for example sake.)

a few hours later:
I just picked up C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce today. I haven't read it since high school and after Ryan's last post, I thought I'd run through it again. Look at this quote from the preface:

I believe, to be sure, that any man who reaches Heaven will find that what he abandoned (even in plucking out his right eye) was precisely nothing: that the kernel of what he was really seeking even in his most depraved wishes will be there, beyond expectation, waiting for him in "the High Countries."

I kinda had to laugh a little bit at how God times things...even silly things like when I read certain passages in books. It was a reminder of how much greater our real HOME is. And that our desires and restlessness here on earth won't be disappointed when we get Home. How unbelievably incredible is God?!?